To have and to hold?If you'd asked me my views about infidelity this time last year, I'd probably have told you that it's unforgivable and the end of the marriage. Oh how naive a view that turned out to be!
So how do you get to the point where one of you commits the ultimate sin against your marriage?
Adultery isn't an accident, falling off your bike is and accident, falling into another woman's vagina is not an accident!
I never thought I'd ever have to face this and over the past twelve months i have had to do a lot of thinking. First off I don't blame myself, at least not in the sense of that i wasn't a good enough wife, I saw the sign but then again I'd been seeing them for 5 years prior to his "affair" , his dad had died in 2007 and to be honest due to a long list of complicated factors in our lives he'd never grieved properly. I may come back to this later but for now i just want to say that i knew he was in trouble from the way he was behaving, I'd been trying to get him into therapy or years but he wouldn't go. The culminating events at the end of April last year lead me to a point where i was at my wits end with him and couldn't cope with his temper or outbursts, so when he said he was moving out to stay with his brother i have to admit to being relieved, I stupidly thought he'd have a bit of space, start to realise he was being an A-hole and come home to me and our daughters. Oh how wrong I was. From that day to this I don't know if "SHE" was already in contact with him when he left, if she wasn't then she sank her claws in very very quickly.
I know its very common for the wife to blame the "other" woman, this isn't the case here, I blame him equally, the thing i find hard to deal with is her lack of honesty, when everything came out in the end, he was mainly honest with me (perhaps because he knows how good I am at finding things out) but she lied to me a lot! and very cruelly and unnecessarily, I was the totally innocent party, she had known he was married and yet still persued him, a fact she still denies to this day despite the fact I hacked his yahoo account and have copies of the messages between them which prove she's a liar!
I'm past angry and bitter (I know it wont read that way) I'm healing - i think - The thing I find hardest to deal with is the way she came into my life, turned it upside down, It was me that had to deal with her after he ended it, it was me she was messaging via that certain well known social media site, it was me that had to deal with her vile texts and believe me she IS vile, she dragged my children into the whole sordid mess and to top it all off I had to go for an STD test due to her "hobby" of picking up men she doesn't know of the internet and having unprotected sex with them within 24 hours! Not such a nice girl really once you scratch beneath the surface! Somehow, god knows how, she manages to maintain her holier than though image, butter wouldn't melt, girl next door image, despite the fact that her own marriage ended due to her previously mentioned "hobby" she's managed to convince all that know her that it was in fact her ex doing the cheating and not her. It beggars belief how she gets away with it, I knew she was a compulsive liar from the beginning and I'm pretty much certain she must believe all her own lies.